


(Un)Official House Rules

by BooItsMi



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Again, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Short Drabble, aka i tried, hope its funny, im excited to share this with you, kind-of list form, my friend and i both made one, my own personal spin on a list of rules, welcome to the family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-23 23:44:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9687731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BooItsMi/pseuds/BooItsMi
Summary: Allura is moving into the Voltron Household, and Pidge decided to give her a list of rules she thinks are necessary and helpful. Hopefully, they don't scare their new family member off.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So, my friend showed me this picture of a list of household rules a guy had made for their new roommate, and we thought it was the funniest shit, so we both decided to make our own Voltron versions. Hope you all enjoy this brief comedic drabble and there might be more rules in the future. Who knows?

_Hello Allura! Welcome to our wonderful abode! My name is Pidge and I’m writing on behalf of everyone here in the ol’ Voltron home. We’re so excited to have you join our little family here in our household. However, there are some rules and facts we think you should be aware of. Better to be upfront than for you to find out the hard way, right?_

_I promise it’s nothing too bad, and you’ll easily get used to these!  I hope._

_Anyways, let’s get to it._

* * *

 

 **1.** My room is absolutely, 100% completely off-limits. I’m sorry. I don’t make the rules. Well, I do, but that’s not important. Just stay out.

 **2.** Sometimes, Lance runs out of the bathroom complaining about ice cold showers that happen a bit too often. Don’t worry. It’s not a plumbing issue. It’s an example of what could happen if you break Rule #1.

 **3.** Hunk is our cook. The boy has the palette of a god. You’ll be thankful for him when you don’t know what to eat at 3am and he makes you a snack because he doesn’t want you to go hungry. What a sweet boy.

 **4.** Speaking of Hunk. Don’t mess with him. Don’t. It’s a death wish. Not because of him, but because of _us_. Protect him.

 **5.** Keith has a temper, so don’t be surprised if you hear loud cursing and things breaking. It’s normal.

 **6.** We have a cat, so I hope you aren’t allergic. If you are, then I’m sorry, our house isn’t for you.

 **7.** His name is Rover. We love him.

 **8.** Lance hogs the bathroom a lot for skin care BS. If you need the bathroom for an emergency, come get me. I’ll take care of it. Or Keith. Either or.

 **9.** Shiro has a prosthetic arm from an accident he will talk to you about when he’s ready. Just please don’t stare at it or anything. Not that I think you will, but just in case. He’s a really nice guy and doesn’t deserve the weird looks he gets from assholes on the street.

 **10.** April Fools Day is our most important holiday, next to Thanksgiving and Christmas. Get ready for some WRECKING.

 **11.** We worship memes like the gays worship RuPaul. It would be wise to brush up on your memeage.

 **12.** We have a schedule for the TV, which we would happily squeeze you into. The most important part of that schedule? The TV is exclusively mine from 7PM-10PM Tuesdays and Thursdays. Specific? Yes. Necessary? _Yes_. Talk to the others for more information on that.

 **13.** Keith often picks fights with people, and always ends up winning, but not without consequence. So if you see him in the kitchen icing a bruised jaw or cleaning a bloody nose, don’t freak out. Offer to help, even. Keith won’t admit it, but he really appreciates love and care.

 **14.** Speaking of Keith, him and Lance are boning. They’re loud and not at all subtle. I have extra earplugs if you need them.

 **15.** Hunk often likes group hugs, so I hope you’re a hugger, babes.

 **16.** You will never see a face more broken than Shiro’s during Finals Week.

 **17.** I usually eat my weight in peanut butter cookies during that time, too. Those are off-limits too, by the way.

 **18.** I often blast my music while working on homework or tech projects. So, again, I have earplugs if Jessie J singing about grabbing her crotch at full volume bothers you.

 **19.** Keith listens to Nickelback. Just thought I’d warn you.

 **20.** Shiro likes our home to be clean, so if you see something laying around that isn’t mine, Keith’s, Hunk’s, Shiro’s, or yours, feel free to throw it away. I mean it.

 **21.** If you spot a Cryptid at any point in time, contact me or Keith **_IMMEDIATELY._ **

**22.** Space is something that genuinely interests every single one of us, so I hope you’re up for late night chats about constellations and aliens.

 **23.** Sunday nights are family game nights. Get ready to get your ass handed to you during Monopoly by Yours Truly.

 **24.** We have a codeword that you can text to any of us and we’ll know to come get you from a bad situation. It’s “VOLTRON,” and don’t worry about giving an address. Your resident tech expert, me, can track you down with coordinates. This is to make sure you don't waste more time giving info and can spend more time protecting yourself.

 **25.** No, I do not stalk any of you. My tracking is strictly emergencies only.

 **26.** Lance is a fragile boy. Just keep that in mind when you see him sobbing into a tub of ice cream held tightly to his chest at 9 at night.

 **27.** Speaking of Lance, yes, we do tease him a lot, but we're just as protective of him as we are of each other. Don't mess with him either. Keith will especially fuck you up. Thanks.

 **28.** It’s okay to cry and be sad. This is a completely judgement-free home, and based on what you’ve read, it kinda has to be.

 **29.** We are a family. We love and care for each other. We’re always here for one another. Since you’re moving in, you’re now part of that family, so don’t ever hesitate in asking for help with something or asking to talk to one of us. We’re here to comfort and kick ass for you.

 **30.** We’re putting you in charge of dishes on Mondays and laundry on Thursdays. We rotate chores, don’t worry. But again, we are a Clean Family™

 **31.** Don’t break any of these rules.

* * *

_Again, welcome to the family, and good luck._

_Sincerely,_

_Pidgeon_

**Author's Note:**

> Credit to Alana+Bochmann for #27 !  
> Feel free to comment or pm or anything if you have suggestions for future lists~


End file.
